DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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