The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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