what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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