she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
