Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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