he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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