i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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