So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
did you just send me my own nude
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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