are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
