My friends, they love my intelligence
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
