More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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