despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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