Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
home. puking in laundry basket.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
