Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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