dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
