Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
