I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
