why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
