I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
