It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
