There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
