her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
