Your face is a jimmy john
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
