Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
