Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
