HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
