And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
