I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
