she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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