so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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