Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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