my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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