i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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