i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
