i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
