god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
