Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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