take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
