oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
