you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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