I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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