There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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