Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
