mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
