The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
