that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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