my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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