Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
