He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
