no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
