closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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