booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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