I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
