cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
