I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
