Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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