Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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