I got chris browned last night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
