this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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