I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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