We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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