i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize